Cross Border connection

Well, Indian Payjama League got a big setback early this year when it was decided that Pakistani cricketers will not be allowed to take part in this year's edition. The Pakistani cricketers barring (Sleep-Hail Tanvir) had performed exceptionally well last year and were consistently seen cheering their respective teams from the dug-outs when their teams were fielding.

Having been so disappointed with this, I decided to name one of the awards to one of the greatest cricketers Pakistan has ever produced with averages of 49 and 13 in batting and bowling respectively (oops- I made an error its reverse actually) - the great Pakistani fast bowler Mohammad Sami.

There are a number of contenders for the prestigious Mohammad Sami Award for Excellence in Bowling. I have not included the legendary No-Jeet Aa Agarkar (No win, Agarkar has joined our team) for the nominations as he has already proved his mantle over last 10 years and has made a fool of a number of coaches/captains alike. So the nominations are

1. L Bolo-ji - the ex-Indian speedster who has defied all speedometers with his lightening speed and even more lightening accuracy


2. Ashok Tinda - the ex-almost indian speedster who has introduced long jump in the art of fast bowling


3. Phat-gayi Flintoff - the ex-IPL angrezi speedster who is giving a tough competion to his ex-captain for giving the maximum "Aarthik Nuksaan" to his team owner

And the award undoubtedly goes to the "Liverpool ka chora jisne Mahi ka dil todha aur jisko sab batsman ne phoda" - the great Phat-gayi Flintoff.

No wonder - Angrez invented this game and all their players are winning these awards. Hats off to their continued dominance of world cricket!

Indian Payjama League

Beware all saas-bahus, balika vadhus and bandinis, Indian Payjama League is here. Now for next 4 weeks there will be a silent understanding among the couples that Post 8 PM the husbands will pay more attention to Red-It Modi (the narha of IPL) than their respective wives. Since the matches will be getting over way past 11 PM, we might expect lesser children getting born in the run up to the next republic day.

To recognize the excellent peformance of the athletes in the IPL, I am instituting excellence awards. The awards will be given to bowlers, batters and fielders who will put their hearts out to ensure victory of the opposition team.

For the first two weeks I am giving the following awards -

• Vikram Rathore award for excellence in Batting - There are a number of contenders for this award.

1. Wash-Ni - the charismatic Kaptan of the Indian Cricket Team
2. Peter Ka beta - the charismatic ex-kaptan of Angerzi cricket team
3. Very Very Sentimental Laxman - the charismatic ex-kaptan of Dhakan Chargers
4. Brain-dead Muh-kallam -the charismatic kaptan of (K)night hiders

It is a tough one but I will have to give the award to Peter Ka beta for once again proving that "Maal lutaya ji" has once again done it. "Unke haath chute hi, sona bhi mitti ban jata hai"

Keep reading for more!

Kya apne apne Pratyashi ka chunaav kia?

Year - 1989, Place - Vikas Puri, Delhi

An auto all decked up with banners is moving around the by-lanes of DG II block with a loudspeaker blazing "Bahiri (Outer) Delhi se Janta Del ke pratyashi Tarif Singh ko vote de, cycle par mohar lagaye"

Cut to 2009 elections - no banners, no slogans, no autos (atleast in the main cities). Indian elections have lost a bit of charm through some of the measures that were introduced by Shri Left (Sesh)-en.

But one thing has remained constant throughout the last 20 years and that is the voting turnout in successive elections in urban areas. Inspite of energetic campaigns by Wake up, Garib Khan and scores of other personalities, khaas admi (un-aam admi) of India is still not voting.

What can they do to improve the voting percentage by the khaas admi? I actually have a couple of todu (pathbreaking) suggestions?
1. Government should amend laws to include "None of the above" button in the voting machine. I know there is a process whereby you can go to the polling booth and can register that you dont want to vote but it is hardly used. Instead of that they should have the none of the above option and at the time of counting if a particular % say 10% or more votes are in that category there should be re-polling/change of candidates or something
2. Government should allow online voting. Boss - when you can have millions of rupees transactions online, why cant you vote online? Create your account, make it password protected, use digital signatures and vote!

What say?

Am I drunk or maine Zyada pi li hai

"Lion King you Lionk King (read it to the tune of -Baa baa black sheep), have you any awards?Yes sir, yes sir, three trophies full!One for the master of stupid films, one for the master of idiotic films,And one for the director who used to live down the lane".

Has any one watched the movie 'Clerk'? Its an 80's ka movie starring Heart-oj Kumar, Re-Eat and A-Mourning(Shok) Kumar. There is a classic scene in the movie whereby Shok Kumar suffers a heart attack and calls his young (60+) son Heart Kumar and says "Nahi beta mujhe doctor ki zaroorat nahi hai, mujhe bas two cell la do". Heart Kumar rushes to a nearby shop, gets the cell and plays this song on transistor - "kadam kadam badaye ja..." Shok Kumar listens to that song, starts dancing and within seconds the heart attack is gone! I wonder why do we have specialized heart clinics for something which can be easily cured by a song. Actually this is it...this is the solution that the US government is looking for to reduce their healthcare costs, just buy a transistor for all Americans. May be instead of "Kadam Kadam", the transistor there can play " We will we will rock you...". Heart Kumar has produced such other wonderful gems like Kalyug aur Ramyan, Shor and Maidan-e-Jang.

A few years back, I was watching an interview in Congress Ne (ko) Bech Chuke (CNBC) IBN in which a young and charasimatic boy was telling media about his new movie. "See its a simple story of a boy meets girl and they falling in love. We are introducing a new girl, 17 yr old xyz in the movie" "And who is that boy in this movie" - the journalist asked shamelessly. "Its me, who else" - said the young man. The only problem was that the young man was a 75 year old Babe Anand and that poor gurl should have been launched along with Babe saab's Great great grand son. Babe saab has amused and enchanted (though most of the time unintentionally) the audiences of all generations with movies like Awwal Number, Censor, Gangster and so on.

I don't know but whenever I hear the word "Dad" ( I call my father Papa), I am reminded of the scene in the movie Yalgaar where the 60 year old Fi-daily Khan calls the 40 something Bhisham Pitamah-Rishi "Dad". Fi-daily has been referred to as "Clint Eastwood of India" by some of the US newspapers as part of his obituary and Daily Khan made such gems as Prem-Aggan and Janasheen.

The common thread across these three wonderfully talented people is that actually they made really useless movies such as Pukaar, Hare Rama Hare Krishna and Qurbani early in their careers but then they had "Moksh ki prapti" from inside and they started producing these gem of the cinema like Clerk which has engraved their names on the history of great indian cinema in "Sunhare Akshar"

Quarterly Business Review

Ok guys - So its time to do the quarterly business review once again but this time it is not the boring quarterly business review that I do at my work but its the Quarterly Business Review of the movie biz. Essentially every quarter I would be talking about my favoraite movies, stars of the quarter.
Last quarter was particularly bad partly because of the multiplex strke and partly because of the creativity strike (read that as lack of creativity) by filmakers.
We had such gems last quarter as C2C and 8X10. No wonder the gem industry in Surat is going thru its worst phase this year in centuries!
But there was some hope in the form - Dev D, Delhi 6, (yes, yes i liked it!), Gulaal
So Lion King Awards of Excellence in Hindi cinema goes as follows

• Best Film - Dev D
• Best Actor (Male) - Abhay Deol
• Best Actor (Female) - Mahi Gill
• Best Music - Dev D, Delhi 6
• Special awards - KK (Gulaal), Vijay Raaz (Barah Aana), Irfan (Billu)

Now coming to the equally prestigious - Lion King award for excellence in Pakau Cinema

• Bakwaas movie - Chandni Chowk to Chaman nagar
• Mahabakwaas movie - Jai Veeru (even without seeing it I will give this award to this movie)
• Vahiyaat Movie - Victory (Balla utha....thapad laga...muh tod de uska jisne ye movie banaya...)
• I will tear my hair off scene - Amitji and Jr. Amit ji 's climax scene in Delhi che - why dont they just delete this scene
• Ehsaan kia performance - Ayesha Taak-na (8X10 - photu), Jackie Shroff as the Bhoot in Raaz 2 - why dont they just have Kangana Ranaut as the Bhoot!! She was looking like the Bhoot actually!
• Special award - Basti Kuta Lakhpati - Are the Oscar guys really dumb? How can this movie get the best movie award and a movie like Tare Zameen Pe doesnt even get nominated
• Most melodious song - Alka Yagnik said once in an interview that from now on she will only sing "meaningful" songs and she did that - "Ring a ring a ring a ring a ring...khatiye pe mai padi thi, aur gahri neend badi thi, ek khatmal tha sayana, tha mujh par uska nishana..." wow - its a gem!

I would look forward to your comments.

Kaun hai jisne SRK ki neend uda di hai

"Kaun hai jo sapno me aaya...kaun hai jo dil me samaya...lo jhuk gaya SRK bhi...blog uska rang laya"...so guys any guesses who that fake IPL player is who has stumped Bacha Nan, SRK and Mc-pen (kalam) in one blog (ball).

I have my own theory..I think this blog is not written by some ordinary cricketer but has a mastermind behind this. And i can think of only one person - Garib Khan....He is a regular blogger, techno savvy, cunning and hates SRK. What better way to get back to him?

Or you never know it could be SRK himself. Since the team is not doing well, this is another way of generating some publicity for the team - wat say??

Who should lead India in Ikiswi Sadi?

Ladies and gentlemen - I am sure all of you have excercised/will be excercising your voting rights. The choice is clear in India as to who will become the next Pra (Lead) dhan (money) Mantri -
- Red Riding hood Advani
- Hail and Hearty Singh
- Behanji
- Red Yadav
- Soft Yadav
- Show-Red Power and so on.....
Now I am sure all of you are eagerly looking forward to selecting one or may be two or three of these candidates as your PM. I know it is a tough choice - as tough as choosing among Venkatesh Prasad, Chris Martin and Glenn Mcgrath as your team's opening batsman or may be even tougher.
So what if we made this choice easier by adding people like - Bada Cake Mama, Nichole-Se Sir Cozy and Nel ka Beta Mandela to the list.
Yes, guys I am talking about why not outsource our PM also. As per the proponents of Outsourcing - any activity which is not a "core" activity should be handled by a specialized agency and will result in tremendous "value add" to the organization.
So, essentially we should outsource this activity also to a specialized person/agency outside of India which can bring significant value addition to India.
Now, some of you might ask how is PM a non-core activity/function for India? Ladies and gentlemen please have a look at economic growth of India in last 17 years and let me know how much of that was led by a PM per se? Also the correlation between effective governance and development of a country is close to zero as some of my statistics bhai bandhu can prove.
So - we can outsource this function which will give us the following advantages
- Much wider pool of candidates to choose from
- Indians can then focus on the core activities of development rather than spending crores of rupees in election every year.
I know all of you must be thinking "What an Idea Sirji"

Who should get the next Bharat Ratna?

Well, I think all of us are aware that there is a ongoing pakau debate on our educating and interesting abuse (news) channels on who should be awarded the bharat ratna next.
Should it be Master(Eldest) Blaster or should it be Sona hai ji or should it be Vijay Mal-lutaya?
But i think all these bhasadi channels should think long and hard and then again think long and hard (after a short break) and then should come to me.
I think the next Bharat Ratna should be given to "Satpal-Ji". Now don't tell me that you don't know Satpalji!!
Go to Vikas Puri (the best place in Delhi) on a Thursday and you will find Satpalji's shop. It's easy to locate Satpalji's shop. You just locate the shop with most number of people waiting in line and carving for attention of Satpalji. You will also see a yellow and red colour banner on top of the shop (banner atleast 15 years old if not more) - "Satpal Ji ke Chole Bhature - Sudh Son Ghee se nirmit. Hamari koi branch nahi hai".
Boss - I can bet with you that if you go there once you will wait for the Thursday to come even more than the Saturday and it will become an integral part of your life, just like it became for me for more than 10 years.
I still remember the expression on the faces of the people standing in queue (including me) looking at the kadai of bhaturas and singing loudly in their hearts...Aaja aa aa aaja... - and buoy if there is an out of turn allotment of bhaturas, there used to a riot.
Chola Bhatura is an essential part of any Delhite's life just like an item number is an essential part of any movie and bouncer is an essential part of any fast bowler's weaponary. I am yet to find a decent (let alone) a good place for Chole Bhatura in Bangalore. I am willing to sacrifice my PS 3 if somebody can tell me a good place for Chola Bhatura in Bangalore.
I will be waiting for that heavenly soul that will come in my dreams and will tell me "Utho vats, mai batata hoo tumhe vo jagah jaha jakar tumhe moksh ki prapti hogi"
Till that heavenly help comes, I will be banking on you guys to guide me to enlightment.

Dedicated to all Foocries and Moocries

"Papa kahte hai bada naam karega, beta hamara aisa kaam karega" - Now, i can confidently tell Amit Bhai the next time he poses this question to me "Aaj mere paas bangla hai, bank balance hai, car hai,....maa bhi hai..kya hai tumhare paas".
Mere paas - mera apna blog hai....aur meri badi hui darhi ki kasam, i will write each word on this blog myself and will not hire somebody else to write on behalf for me.

The idea of this title Sush, Mush and Mahi came to me some six months back when i was thinking of options to raise money for my long overdue holiday in South Africa with my wife. I thought that we should have a program on idiot box which focusses specifically on three passions of Indians - Movies, Politics and Cricket and thus the title Sush, Mush and Mahi (though our dear Mush ji have already retired from active politics after the developments in Pakistan.

So people as you can clearly see - the blog will essentially focus on these three passions of "Ikisvi sadi ka bharath" with an occassional dose of food (what else) and general bhasad!

I cannot promise all of you that i will be refine and restrained in my comments but i can promise you one thing that everything will be from the bottom of my heart (just above my stomach)!